Friends only

Here is my public announcement
Due to stalkers who cannot get over me

I made my live journal friends only
I will also be creating an ex drama tag because I'm sure there will be more.
If you want to be on that tag, comment on the journal BEFORE this one.

If you want to be my friend, sends request.



Why I'm so Fucked up

I held one of those "20 likes and I'll share myself" statuses on facebook.
Granted, I didn't get 20 likes, but I feel this would be beneficial to my friends.
They should know why I act the way I do. So here goes.

I've been Diagnosed with Autism since I was 3, when I was first displaying learning delays.

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People wonder why I act the way I do, or hide away from others.
I suffer daily with suicidal urges, it's hard to deal with me.

Feel free to ask any questions, I do not mind talking about my life, or my disorders.

  • Current Mood
    blah blah

Ignorant Bird owners

I am so sick of Ignorant bird owners. It just Disgusts me.

You do not House cockatiels in 1.5 ft by 1.5 ft cages. I don't CARE if it specifically says "cockatiel cage" IT'S TOO SMALL.

You do not house birds in Glass/plastic wall cages. WIRE cages are best because they can actually climb around and exercise their feet. It's also better for air circulation.

You do not house birds of Different Regions together. I don't care if they get along, it's like the biggest NO NO of bird owning. They can play together, but not live together.

You do not house SONGBIRDS with PARROTS. Just, no, don't. If your CURVED BEAKED Parrot decides to pick a fight with a STRAIGHT BEAKED songbird, guess who gets the bigger injury?

You do not, ABSOLUTELY NEVER, I DON'T CARE HOW LONG YOU HAD THEM, house Wild birds with domestic parrots. You just don't. You aren't even supposed to have them in the same room. Wild Birds carry so many more germs and diseases than domestic bred parrots that are BAD for your parrots. I'm not saying wild birds are disease ridden, but putting them together is just bad. No. Don't do it. You aren't even supposed to own wild birds without a license.

You do not house multiple breeding males to one female. It causes fights, stress on the female, egg breaking, then she lays more to replace the one the other male broke. It's supposed to be Multiple FEMALES to one breeding male (quail and chickens) or One male and one female.

You do not House many types of parrots together then have them on the same diet. ESPECIALLY a seed only diet.

Just Ugh... Do your research.
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    aggravated aggravated

Updates, RIP Riley

Sadly Riley passed away. We aren't really sure why she passed. She was living a very happy healthy life in her 6 ft tall cage, with more toys and companionship then she could ever want.

We found her struggling at the bottom of her cage, when an hour before she was just fine. My father held her until she fell asleep for good. There was nothing we could have done, she wasn't in pain, or choking. I just summed it up to being an issue from her previous owner's home, lung issues or something. We really don't have bird vets in Alaska.

I now live back with my dad, me and my best friend no longer speak to each other as often as we did. We aren't fighting or anything. She just is going down a path I don't care to follow.

I'm still filing for my divorce, because he refuses to sign for the dissolution. I have debated this for a long time, mentally, I cannot handle being married to someone who has hurt me so much. The crimes he's being convicted of, they just go against everything I am, and everything I want.

Tater is happy I'm back home. I missed her so much and I will never leave her again.
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Esteem is gone

I used to pride myself for having an okay esteem. but it's literally gone now.

Finding out my ex-spouse was basically a pedophile killed me, I can no longer go a day without breaking down and crying. I log onto my facebook and see messages of my mother-in-law, begging me to find a way for my incarcerated partner to be bailed, or merely my new phone number, so he can talk to me.
It's hard.
Everything around me is him, things we gotten together throughout our five year relationship. Everything from the clothes I wear, to my pets, to how we cooked our steak. I'm really having a hard time getting over him. It's not the person I miss, it's everything we were.

But in a heated argument recently, I was told "You act like a kid!" Well... it's no wonder he liked me... Which in turn of me sitting alone at work, where my thoughts get to my head, I started the thought process "it's my fault he became a pedophile"

I'm not sure where to go, how to get help anymore. I don't have money, my mom is gone, and everyday is a fight.
But I'm just no longer who I was 9 months ago. I'm no longer happy, I no longer want to live. And my thoughts are getting the best of me.

what do i do..?
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed

I Rescued a Cockatiel

Well, Adopted, but the condition she was in made it a rescue.

My male has been depressed and lonely since his girl died. They never really "got along" in a breeding manner, but always enjoyed each others burbles and chirps.
Then he started humping us... our feet, our hands, our shoulders! It made it very awkward to bring him out.
So my roommates and I set out of finding him a girlfriend.

That's when I saw the ad on Craigslist for a Female Lutino Cockatiel, who was laying presently and the owner could no longer care for her. I called them, rushed over and paid the rehoming fee, and took the lass home.

The house.
Upon pulling into the driveway, there were Labradors EVERYWHERE, on chains. They said they were "breeders" this was a puppy mill. Whatever, I came for the bird, not the dogs. I enter their home, Jase in tow, and was immediately engulfed in smoke. They were heavy heavy chain smokers, inside their home, it was awful.

The cage.
Was too small, had no mesh on the bottom, where her food bowl was. So she was walking in her own excrement to eat, and was laying her eggs on the bottom of her cage. She had a platform perch and a log, and two toys. She ate a seed based diet. The cage reeked of smoke, it had been there a while/

The bird.
She was beautiful, yellow and white. However, her oil gland was swollen and sore upon inspection. Her feather were smoke stained, her tail wet from the bottom of her cage. Her feet are abnormally large, and she sits upon her joints, not her feet. She is also malnourished, and deprived of calcium, which is bad if she is laying. She was very sweet, though after the move was testy and grumpy.

So immediately my roommate drives me to my parents, I keep all my cages there. I grab a bigger, cleaner cage, and bring it home. I placed various sized perches in it, to build up her feet strength. I gave her a destroy toy, placing nesting materials and treats inside, for her amusement, she really enjoys it. And gave her some new bells and ladders. Tomorrow I am going to the store to buy pellets and wean her over to those.

Even if her and my male never make babies, she is a lot better off in my home. Everyone here knows how to raise cockatiels, and it's not just having them in a cage, even though so many families just do that. Hopefully her molt is soon, then we can really see her shine!

Here's a picture of my little Riley! in her old icky cage before I moved her.


Sometimes I wish I could tell my parents how far I've really fallen. But then I'd either be reprimanded, or attention seeking, when I'm not, I just don't know where else to go.

I wish I could honestly open up, and tell my friends and family what is really on my mind. Because it scares me, and sometimes I'm not even myself anymore.

This whole Ronnie thing has really destroyed my self esteem, and a major part of who I am. I can do better, I am doing better, but the pain of what happened lingers, and I can't get over it. I wish I had money to get help, I really do. Because when I went to a clinic with sliding scaled payments, They were VERY biased on my situation, telling me I was "bad" and "wrong" to move on, and the my decisions in life, which have now benefited me, are "stupid" and that I should wait for him to be out before doing anything.

Why wait, honestly, he's screwed me up more than people realize. I never EVER had suicidal thoughts until all this happened. I never ever just wanted to drive off a bridge, because I felt like nothing would help otherwise, until he did all this. So why were profession Therapists, even if I am paying less, telling me to wait and be with him?

I'm not going to be. But I still wish I could get more help, because I don't know where to go anymore..
  • Current Music
    Chasing the Sun

Parents :I

So I am 22, I live/lived with my parents.
Recently, I have decided to move it with my best friend and my boyfriend at my Bestie's home. It seemed like a really adult-like decision to make, I'd be paying rent and so forth. I'd be, of course, sharing a room with my boyfriend. FINE BY ME I'm 22, my sex/sleeping life is of no concern to my parents.

The issue, though, is my beautiful Calico, Tater


She has a nasty habit of peeing on clothes on the floor. Which I have tried training her on, she just has an attitude.

My friend already has 3 cats, and I have two, If Tater did not have this issue, they would be allowed to live here.

So when telling my father on my decision to grow up, I informed him Tater and Gyampaw (my other cat) would be happier there, as it is bigger, and here they would also have to stay inside. He yelled at me "WELL WE ARENT KEEPING THEM. TATER PEES ALL OVER" No, she does not. She pees in the cat box, and on my clothes, and my sister's shit, but she doesn't live here. If I had kept my clothes off the floor, this would not be an issue, but I have lazy days lol! This problem is my fault.

But moving out would eliminate that issue.

The BIGGEST issue I have with my parents is their HYPOCRISY.
My sister left a dog at the home. This dog is a horrible devil spawned thing. She kills kittens and drags our cats around and shakes them. The thing that gets me most is, She pees and shits all over the floor, every day, regardless if she goes outside. She chews up furniture, she screams like a banshee, she bites children. And MY cat is the problem?

It's... I don't even UNDERSTAND his view point on this. They willingly allow this dog to live here, this untrainable HORRIBLE dog, without threat of getting rid of her, but my cat pees on MY, no one else's in the house, clothes, and it's "if you move out she goes"?

I can't even comprehend them.
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    grumpy grumpy